Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
