yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
