He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
i think i have two assholes
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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