ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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