Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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