I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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