I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
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