i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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