I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
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