How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i think my mom watched the whole time
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
