OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Randomize
