Moan for me like Helen Keller
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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