They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
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dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
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just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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