feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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