If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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