If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Houston, we have a squirter
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
