fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
