His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
