Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
