I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
