There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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