mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
