Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
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I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
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Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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