Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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