They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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