god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
