Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
