Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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