So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
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