Christians are straight up FREAKS
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
