I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
