There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
