I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
