Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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