So drunk its hurt
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
pop tarts are not kleenex
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I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
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All is fair in love and war and toga parties
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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