wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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