and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
