dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
