You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
