one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
