Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
