I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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