I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
