we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
