Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
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