You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize