I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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