Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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