whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
