Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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