I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
