im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
