he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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