My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
