Im at strip club and am horny
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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